I would like to discuss something that I think could be categorized along with apotemnophilia; something that I can best described as body mortification.
I wish there was another term to describe this better because I do not want it to be confused with the practice of body mortification of the flesh that was practiced by the Roman Catholic Church. Instead, I mean cutting the flesh in a way that allows one to remember that moment in his/her life. A way to recognize that something, whether it be traumatic or depressing even happy happened within one's life and it has been overcome or is recovering through the act of cutting. It is not the act of punishing the self but an act of recovering, recognition and a process of remembering as well as be a sign in order to remember what has happened.
It is very important that this is also not confused with such stories like one hears about teenagers cutting themselves because of depression and attempt for attention or suicide.
This type of body mortification has been described to me as a spiritual passage that is not religious as in means of being devoted to another God or higher being. It is a spiritual passage in being devoted to oneself.
This is a hard process to describe because there are many layers to this act of cutting. As I describe it, I feel like I am not doing it justice for what it represents. I feel as though I am unable to because as Descartes describes in Meditation 2, part 13; language is obstructing my perception and easily guides me into error.
Now, these cuts are neither small nor shallow. They are extremely deep and often long (thought they can be short) in order to make scars appear. As I said before, this is a process of recognition and remembering. The scar that forms over the cut is made and therefore remembrance can take place.
This is something I have first hand experience with, not because I engage in these acts myself, but because I have friends that do or once did. It was a horrifying experience to be apart of as I was continually concerned about the mental and physical well being of my friends.
These cuts are not random, they are strategically placed in a specific design on a specific part of the body. When fresh, they appear shocking, horrifying heartbreaking, unpleasant and traumatic. Once scarred over, the design is identifiable.
I also want to state, that what I am talking about is not the scarification by a professional, or a tattoo-type artist. These cuts are performed by the individual onto his/herself.
This type of body mortification is not something that is very common and is definitely not a a usual or society acceptable form of spiritual behavior.
My friends (who must remain nameless and will instead be referred to as 'X' and 'Y') get starred at constantly for their scars, and even more so when their cuts are not yet scarred. It appears to others that something might be wrong with them. Something must be going on mentally in order for them to allow themselves to feel and to inflict their own bodies with so much pain. Their mental state is questioned just as those who want to be amputated.
I have to ask though, why must there be something wrong with them mentally? Why is it not okay to want to modify one's own body in a way that doesn't seem normal. And therefore I must ask, what is normal anyway? But now I am getting off topic. To stay on task I want to refer back to Descartes' Meditation #2. Descartes talks a lot about parts of the body (eyes, hands, arms, legs, etc.) and existence. He comes to a point though that it is when the mind is thinking that the person exists. Descartes questions if existence is dependent on such objects (eyes, hands, arms, legs, etc.) (Meditation 2, part 3) and I question this also and my answer is that one's existence is not dependent on such objects. Therefore I question if something is lost from one's mind if an object goes missing from one's body. I don't think this is so.
To jump back for a moment to my friends, both of them, did not have the happiest of lives growing up. I think they found a connection in this way. Both suffered from families with histories of drug and alcohol addiction, parental separation, lack of being nurtured, lack of home stability etc. I bring this up because this is what people considered when they first started making the cuts into their skin. Their backgrounds were continually analyzed as well as their relationship with each other. Did X have a power relationship over Y? Was X making Y do this because X wanted to? Y had a history with cutting herself when she was younger, could this trigger depression again? Had depression settled in? Was this a means of gaining parental attention? The answer to every question was "no".
By coming to the conclusion that if there is a want for the body to be changed in perhaps what is seen to be violent against one's own body and therefore something is violent or wrong with one's mind is stating that mind and body are always connected. That change in one = change in the other. I would like to argue though that it depends on the way one goes through the process of the change, that society may see the person to remain the "same" as everyone else or become "different". For example if someone loses a limb in an accident, nothing is usually seen to be lost within the mind especially if the person remains happy or becomes happier after the accident. But if a person wants to willingly lose a limb or willingly modify one's body that is not considered normal (by normal modification I mean body piercing, tattoos, muscle building, muscle flexibility, etc.) that person's mind is questioned as well as the ability to remain normal. Western society has made us believe that the objects that "makeup" our bodies are things that we need in order to live. Why would anyone willingly "hurt" themselves? This is naturally difficult for us to understand.
I must say though, my friends are two of the happiest people I know. They are a partnership and have two of the most beautiful, open and understanding souls and minds I know. No, nothing has been lost from their minds from their mortification, if anything, much more has been gained.
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